tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post8352080724740877472..comments2018-12-07T01:14:08.972-08:00Comments on Ironwoodwind: Douglas MacIlroyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-72591057364983043582010-08-10T14:09:02.865-07:002010-08-10T14:09:02.865-07:00Thanks for the input, Dave. All noted and logged. ...Thanks for the input, Dave. All noted and logged. Glad to see you read the whole series of chapters. The anseres to Noah's development and why D.T. volunteers will be forthcoming. If I go too fast it becomes a short story instead of a novel. Sid's an arsonist. He rigged the boat the night before in Keahou.<br /><br />More coming.<br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-25266509228799094712010-08-10T01:04:34.553-07:002010-08-10T01:04:34.553-07:00Hi Doug. I will post several things here, rather ...Hi Doug. I will post several things here, rather than breaking them up into the various chapters... <br /><br />I really like the story so far - plot developing nicely, and I really like the realistic setting descriptions. A couple of broad brushstroke questions:<br />1) Could you describe the sub in some detail earlier in the story? I saw the "yellow torpedo" - a bit shocked at the color - and then the bit about looking like a manta ray - I was confused. Could be my reading, too.<br />2) I wonder why D.T. is volunteering - yes, it is a sick crime, but will there be anything to make it more personal other than the surface ship being burned? Also, how did Sid cause the burning - RC plane? missile?<br />3) I'd like to hear more about Noah - I always like the sidekicks - I love it when they cover the hero's rear...<br />Keep writing - the tension is palpable and I look forward to the next installment.shintosurfcathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09418121246013516491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-27552009939865681362010-07-28T23:30:12.427-07:002010-07-28T23:30:12.427-07:00Dear Barbara,
Thanks for persevering. It's go...Dear Barbara,<br /><br />Thanks for persevering. It's going to be interesting hearing your thoughts as the story progresses. Sid Hart needs to worry, he's in for a hard time.<br /><br />I'm very glad you're reading TBOTK. I'm looking forward to handing you a hardback copy one day. (Soon!)<br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-49145430460782898162010-07-28T23:00:29.547-07:002010-07-28T23:00:29.547-07:00Hi Doug,
For some reason, my Typepad username was ...Hi Doug,<br />For some reason, my Typepad username was rejected several times so if I get kicked off again, I'll be the next Anonymous comment you get. I have two comments for Chapter Six:<br />1) I think the "man from the sub" is a new and important character and he seems to reflects your energy.<br />2) I was a bit disappointed that Sid Hart would worry. When the good guys advance,I like for it to only fuel the evil character's ill-will. But then, at the end of the chapter he smiles with anticipation, so there's hope. <br />I guess only time will tell.<br />Aloha.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13961144669548581567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-72553332723169151082010-07-28T03:46:40.265-07:002010-07-28T03:46:40.265-07:00Catherine,
Thank you for joining the reading crew...Catherine,<br /><br />Thank you for joining the reading crew. I am fortunate to have you on board, 'local' girl that you are. You and Barbara Uechi can let me know if I'm getting the descriptions right.<br /><br />Show don't tell is a challenge for me and one I strive to master. (Lots of work to go in that department.) As the story unfolds I hope you'll notice more show and less tell.<br /><br />I'm taking notes on every suggestion I receive and will incorporate as many as I can without losing the thread. If I am successful they will be seamless and the end result will be stronger.<br /><br />Mahalo for your help.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-55102773796535818542010-07-28T01:56:56.759-07:002010-07-28T01:56:56.759-07:00A latecomer here, enjoying this very much. It'...A latecomer here, enjoying this very much. It's a great story, Doug, and you are telling it well. Very visual and impactful, very strong details. I'd tend to agree with some earlier comments that more dialogue would really bring these men to life. "Show don't tell," like my teachers said, and it works. And, it takes the reader out of the realm of your head in into the realm of the characters, where you want them to stay, forget they're not in the story. And turn the page. And turn the page.Catherine Tarletonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980047806025728351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-5408825182753679922010-07-27T08:55:17.211-07:002010-07-27T08:55:17.211-07:00Angie,
Be careful who you say that to. I get in m...Angie,<br /><br />Be careful who you say that to. I get in more trouble saying "I screwed the pooch" or variations on that theme...<br /><br />I appreciate you taking the time to read chapter 6. Would definitely love your feedback on all 6 chapters. I'm a patient man, though, so (ulp) take your time. No, don't!<br /><br />Thanks for reading.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-51746150202649599202010-07-27T08:49:35.134-07:002010-07-27T08:49:35.134-07:00Cathleen,
Thank you, thank you and...thank you.
...Cathleen,<br /><br />Thank you, thank you and...thank you.<br /><br />For reading every chapter and for your encouraging comments.<br /><br />More coming. Next Tuesday can't get here fast enough.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-6706388884858258032010-07-27T08:31:03.756-07:002010-07-27T08:31:03.756-07:00I love the transition from the beautiful scenery d...I love the transition from the beautiful scenery description to "Sid decided that he had fucked up." Made me chuckle. And "poked the pup" is now my new favorite expression. ;)<br /><br />I'm in agreement about the sub description being better if witnessed during the event rather than in retrospect, but I'm not sure either how you'd work it without doing a flashback.<br /><br />Otherwise, a really good read. Gonna have to go back and find the rest of the posts. <br /><br />(And thanks again for your kind comments on my blog. :)Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07123379306124169092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-36072211961234568932010-07-27T08:24:21.161-07:002010-07-27T08:24:21.161-07:00Julie,
Thanks for the input. You're right abo...Julie,<br /><br />Thanks for the input. You're right about witnessing it as it happened. Still trying to sort out how to make that work. May leave it, but I've thought as you did many times.<br /><br />Breaking up that long paragraph makes sense, too.<br /><br />Two differences between Clive and I. His checks don't bounce and everything in my story can actually happen. (Should I trade one for the other? Decisions, decisions.)<br /><br />Thanks for reading. I love the feedback.<br /><br />Doug.Douglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-78284985008450581662010-07-27T07:55:39.749-07:002010-07-27T07:55:39.749-07:00Wow, excellent tension! I am excited for the hunt ...Wow, excellent tension! I am excited for the hunt too. A really compelling chapter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-62762879055886023322010-07-27T06:56:43.162-07:002010-07-27T06:56:43.162-07:00Hi, First time dropping by your #teasertuesday pos...Hi, First time dropping by your #teasertuesday posts. I really like this, esp. the visual details and descriptions...<br /><br />And also your variations of 'fucking up'--'dicked the dog', etc--add a nice touch of comedy!<br /><br />My one suggestion is perhaps the longish paragraph in the middle which describes what happened to the sub--I think it could benefit from being broken up a little into smaller paragraphs...it lost me a little bit...<br /><br />...also I wonder if that scene might have stronger impact if we/he witnessed it as it happened, rather than as in his reflections after the fact...it might be more of a vicarious thrill for the reader for us to be there as it all goes to hell...watching as the character watches...rather than just seeing it as his memory...<br /> <br />This reminds me of Clive Cussler...is that the genre you are aiming for? (I am a Clive Cussler fan):)<br /><br />Regards,<br />Julie Johnson, busywriting.netAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-52900891162518774382010-07-27T06:12:00.327-07:002010-07-27T06:12:00.327-07:00I have been reading bits. Sat and re-read the whol...I have been reading bits. Sat and re-read the whole story. It is developing nicely. Your attention to detail is wonderful creating great pictures to experience the story. Looking foward to more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16922265702702438096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-35561958473895381142010-07-26T19:24:42.394-07:002010-07-26T19:24:42.394-07:00Thanks, Madison. Fix input noted for future edit. ...Thanks, Madison. Fix input noted for future edit. Your comments are deeply appreciated. Having you read through this story fresh is an exciting prospect. I know the landscape you're walking through, but seeing it anew through your eyes is grand. <br /><br />(May you never stumble or fall.)<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-19994208105411610462010-07-26T09:17:34.798-07:002010-07-26T09:17:34.798-07:00Enjoyed this chapter very much. There's someth...Enjoyed this chapter very much. There's something about the sensory details you give from this POV that makes the read riveting. <br /><br />Only one sentence I'd re-arrange or re-phrase: Watching with his binoculars, Sid had had an excellent seat for the show.<br /><br />Overall, it's another great chapter!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com