tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post8591495288857025485..comments2018-12-07T01:14:08.972-08:00Comments on Ironwoodwind: At Play in the Home of her AncestorsDouglas MacIlroyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-36125138400027855462010-08-20T22:12:47.269-07:002010-08-20T22:12:47.269-07:00Hi Madison,
I sliced and diced this chapter as pe...Hi Madison,<br /><br />I sliced and diced this chapter as per instructions from comments (Thank you to each kind soul who helped.) Will be resubmitting it on Tuesday to contrast the two. I think I've run everybody off now, though, so I'm counting on you to campare the two and tell me which one is better.<br /><br />Welcome back to the fray. Looking forward to your next post.<br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-42112392631750853622010-08-20T11:35:30.887-07:002010-08-20T11:35:30.887-07:00LOL, Doug. I'm late to the game and don't ...LOL, Doug. I'm late to the game and don't have anything to add this time. Your writing is always beautiful and gives great imagery... but you got good feedback.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-19019744101952746792010-08-18T22:43:35.578-07:002010-08-18T22:43:35.578-07:00Thank you, Dave, for the local knowledge re A-Bay ...Thank you, Dave, for the local knowledge re A-Bay surf spots. Is there a name for it? Always thought it was 69's.<br /><br />And for raising me up from the fifth circle re show vs. tell. I still have to find a better balance, but your encouragement helps. <br /><br />Catch any fish last weekend? Everyone was asking about you.<br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-5163735376175294882010-08-18T21:55:21.752-07:002010-08-18T21:55:21.752-07:00Doug, I didn't mind the slower introduction to...Doug, I didn't mind the slower introduction to Kaiulani, as she is a powerful, independent character. I liked the images of her sitting on the bottom in training. (but she couldn't hear the surf at 69's! She could hear surf at the A-Bay surf spots either north or south of the bay itself... remember the guy who died this last winter) But her nymph-like reason not to be a pilot didn't convince me. You again intrigued me with the construction of the submarine! I want to have a firm image of it.shintosurfcathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09418121246013516491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-12926352182581666672010-08-18T13:13:21.935-07:002010-08-18T13:13:21.935-07:00I feel like the guy on the guillotine who has watc...I feel like the guy on the guillotine who has watched the blade come down twice, only to hang up on a sticky spot on the side of the rail. As the executioners are trying to decide what to do he chimes in and says, "Hey, guys, I think I see where the blade's hanging up. If you just lube that track up there on the left I think everything will work out fine."<br /><br />In respect of the effort each of you expended in reading this chapter I must tell you that while I hear your comments and DO believe them, I can only see a little of it. That's a description of ME needing glasses, not you guys, and I mention it to let you know I am in acceptance, not denial. I'm going to apply what I heard to this chapter and try to clean it up. We'll see how it looks the second time through. <br /><br />"It takes just as long to write a good book as a bad book." <br /><br />That old saying applies very well here. I'd much rather spend the time writing a good book and that is why I do appreciate the help and suggestions and why I put TBOTK out there for discerning eyes to examine.<br /><br />Now I'm going to go buy some special glasses and then lube the tracks and try again. Who says writing isn't fun?<br /><br />Thanks for your help.<br /><br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DougDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-20915102950257682272010-08-18T08:18:06.985-07:002010-08-18T08:18:06.985-07:00You have such a beautiful way of writing, Doug. I ...You have such a beautiful way of writing, Doug. I learn, see, hear, feel this world you write about. You need to let your reader smell and taste.<br /><br />Ruth and Lisa have valid points, but nothing is here that can't be saved. I will give it some thought and get back to you.<br /><br />Lovely, lovely scene.<br /><br />kdAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-7518257041201553002010-08-18T06:45:08.259-07:002010-08-18T06:45:08.259-07:00I have to agree with Ruth. For the introduction of...I have to agree with Ruth. For the introduction of a character this is way too much information overload. It is really, really well written though and her back-story is quite interesting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-36788480795808179882010-08-17T23:50:26.444-07:002010-08-17T23:50:26.444-07:00Dear Ruth,
Thank you for your concise comments. I...Dear Ruth,<br /><br />Thank you for your concise comments. I struggle with exactly what you mentioned. Kaiulani interacts a great deal in later chapters, but right now she's going for a swim alone at dawn, which is something she's done every morning since she was a child. Hard to have much interaction during that swim. (But I hear you loud and clear.) I'm going to let your input percolate and try to figure out a way to keep the good parts and eighty-six the rest.<br /><br />Just got in from a long day. Will be reading all the #teasertuesday posts. Hope to find one from you and dive in.<br /><br />Aloha,<br /><br />DouglasDouglas MacIlroyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409271315301566155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-90223689726509487152010-08-17T16:10:26.598-07:002010-08-17T16:10:26.598-07:00This is beautifully written, but it's way too ...This is beautifully written, but it's way too much exposition all at once, especially for an opening chapter. You just have one character thinking to herself of past events, which is not going to keep the attention of most readers. She needs to interact with other characters. A lot of the events you mention as happening previously sound interesting, but since you tell us about them instead of showing them to us, they become rather boring.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655284707586515591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4006457779446525898.post-54490840931225823762010-08-17T07:53:21.260-07:002010-08-17T07:53:21.260-07:00Haven't had time to read your chapter yet, but...Haven't had time to read your chapter yet, but wanted to drop in and say I love 'DreamWeaver' as the sub's name.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com